The Price To Pay


Nothing – absolutely nothing – in this world comes free. Not even our being in this world. Life is not free. It is a loan – temporarily given to be enjoyed (or not enjoyed, your choice) – and can be taken away without notice.

For life and, therefore, for everything else in life, there is always a price to pay. Whatever we have is the price we willingly paid for.


Boats, land (or island), water, numbers – these have been the recurring theme of my nightly reality. I knew what they were pointing my consciousness to – I knew I had to address it – I knew I had to make a choice. The only question is: how much am I willing to pay to be in that boat?

Boat points to spiritual journey. Land or island represents comfort and security. Water stands for emotions – both certainty and uncertainty. Numbers give the hint to what it is all about.

On the night of 30th January, I dreamed I was with the witches (a term of endearment I used to refer to my cousins and sister I live with :-P). On one side there is a wide river that offers boat rides for 100. The catch is that one will traverse the wide river in a boat (sans outrigger) that looked like a huge, wide bamboo basket without handles. On the other side, there are better-looking wooden boats with outriggers beached in a spa-like bathtub in which one has to pay 200. I woke up without reaching the decision whether I want to pay 100 or 200 for a boat ride.

100 stands for a new beginning that is different than anything that was done before. 200 represents problems that are being made worse on purpose (by what or whom, I do not know – maybe, fate?).


A couple of nights before that, it was a different dream but with the same theme. A boat was waiting for me. I am hurrying up to catch the boat. But I was in danger of missing it because I cannot finish packing. I have several pieces of luggage in the dream and, seemingly, I cannot fit in all of my stuff there.


Baggage, in my case, represents my emotional and financial security which, understandably, is not easy to let go of.


In every boat dream, I seem to have difficulty in leaving the land or island. In my mind, that means I am having difficulty deciding whether to leave or not to leave the life I have, all my attachments behind – attachments being the people I love, the comforts I am used to and the financial security that all of that offers.


More and more, I have this realization that either I go and flow with the change – or change will force me to flow with the change. 100 or 200 for 5000 (5 means change and the gravity required by it is amplified by the number of zero present).

How much am I willing to pay?

My foundations are being shaken. Right before my very eyes, the rug where I am standing is being pulled off under my feet mercilessly. By an unseen force. It is constantly and continuously evolving and making me better – however, it is not allowing me to back off or retrace my steps back to where I used to be.

Change is painful – especially when we try very hard to resist it.


I wonder if that spiritual journey (the boat) is something that my soul has signed up for. I wonder what will happen if I simply refuse to move and stay in my island of security and comfort. I wonder if the people I have come to know as my family and companions will eventually disown me either way I go.


In the end, I know I will go with the flow of change…and I am willing to pay the price for it.

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